KaoruXToshiya
By Vanilla Mint

PART 6

He waited until his sobs subsided and then crawled out of bed, his body aching with a dull pain. He tried to ignore it, tried to dismiss it. When he finally succeeded in dragging himself across the room to the bath and looked in the mirror, he felt as if he was looking at a complete stranger. His face was streaked with tears and his eyes were red from all the crying. But, most of all, he didn't recognize the pain and sorrow in his eyes. 

He ran a hot bath and crawled into the tub slowly. He closed his eyes as he let the soothing warm water wash away his pain. The caked blood on his thighs dissolved into the water as his hands scrubbed tenaciously at his skin, images flashing non-stop in his mind. Images of Die kissing him, touching him...*violating* him. He felt the tears burn his eyes but he refused to let them out.

-Kaoru...-

He imagined Kaoru touching him, claiming him, loving him. But he supposed that was not possible. He wanted the beautiful bassist of their band instead of the quiet, unsociable drummer he was. Yet he longed for that man.

-I love Kaoru,-he told himself as he tried to wash of Die's touches, his own fingers felt cold against his skin.

Shinya lay there for a long while; he didn't know how long but the water was getting cool. He got out of the tub. Droplets of water hung from the ends of his long hair as he stepped out of the shower. He reached for the dry towel hanging on the railing.

When Shinya finally opened the door for Die, he found the poor man shivering in the cold outside his door, clutching the blanket for warmth. He went in and changed into his clothes silently, afraid to face Shinya. The younger man didn't say a word. Die opened his mouth to say something when he was about to leave but Shinya didn't hear it because he slammed the door in his face and retreated back into his home.

***
" Yay, we're done for the day," their short vocalist exclaimed happily, slightly ignorant of the uncomfortable tension in the room. " Wanna go for dinner together?"

In his own dream world, Shinya didn't reply. Both the guitarists were exchanging looks of desperation. Toshiya mumbled something incoherent while gnawing on the apple in his hand. 

" What?"

" I said, I am busy tonight," Toshiya repeated, putting down his half-eaten fruit on the table and got up to leave.

Kaoru seemed to ponder on the suggestion for a moment while discreetly throwing a glance at their blue-haired bassist, before shaking his head, " No, you guys go ahead." Then he followed Toshiya out of the room. Die couldn't miss the shadow of hurt that crossed Shinya's delicate features even if he wanted to.  

" Um, I'm not feeling well," Shinya said and hastily left, taking an opposite route from Toshiya and Kaoru. He totally forgot about his bag; not that it mattered anyway since it was as good as empty.

" I'll go give this to him." Die reached for the bag and skipped out of the room, leaving an agitated Kyo alone.

" Fine! Be that way!" he fumed as he extracted a cigarette from the box, ignoring the 'No Smoking' sign that was screwed behind the door.

***
" Toshiya?" Kaoru found him waiting for a taxi outside the studio. Obviously, Toshiya wasn't one who would walk two kilometers to the tube station on a winter's evening, no matter how criminally expensive cab fares were in town. It wasn't particularly cold, in fact, Kaoru found the cool air refreshing. 

Toshiya turned his head to the right so that he could look at him and they stared into each other's eyes for some time before he asked, " Are you free tonight, Kaoru?"

***
Shinya wished he hadn't come for rehearsal today. He wished he had called in sick or something. In fact, he felt quite sick now especially after seeing Kaoru running after that damned bassist. He felt totally pissed at Kaoru, at Toshiya, and at, generally, the whole world. But he blamed Die the most for the hurt he felt in him.

" Shinya! Wait up!" The drummer continued walking, ignoring the calls and heavy footsteps following him. In fact, he quickened his pace, eager to lose the guitarist behind him. He flicked a lock of crimson hair off his face. His hair was neatly clipped up but a few stubborn strands escaped the pins, falling into his face. Die managed to catch up with him.

" Shinya, your bag!" Die said with a trace of annoyance underlying his tone. Shinya rudely snatched the bundle from his hands and made his way around Die, ignoring his existence. Seeing this, Die couldn't help the sadness thickening inside him but also the rising anger. Was it totally his fault that they slept together last night? He was positively certain he wasn't the one who *begged* to be touched.

Shinya almost yelped out in pain when his arm was suddenly grabbed and he was pulled back.

" Let go of me, you bastard!" he shouted at his bandmate, his eyes glazed with fury.

" What's this f**king attitude?!" Die held both Shinya arms tightly, not allowing him to run away. Die was angry because he felt used. Shinya had wanted his company when he was lonely after Kaoru's rejection and he discarded him after he sobered up?

" You RAPED me!" 

Shinya almost banged his head against the concrete wall when Die sent a slap across his cheek, but he was sent back to sprawl on the floor instead. His head snapped up in shock as his hand automatically flew up to cradle his red cheek.

" How dare you say I raped you when you don't even remember anything!" Shinya couldn't gain enough courage to stand up or even say a word when he saw tears glistening at the corners of the guitarist's eyes. Die left him on the floor and stormed out of the building.

..

..

to part 7

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