KaoruXToshiya
By Vanilla Mint

Part 3

Toshiya was packing his instruments when he realized that he was staring at a particular corner of the studio and blushed before shifting his eyes back to where they were supposed to be. It didn't take long before his eyes crept back towards the now-lingering-around Kaoru. Kaoru was frowning (as usual) and he was flipping through something that looked like an address book. 

The young man realized that he had an embarrassing tendency to blush nowadays especially when a certain gothic-looking guitarist is around. Silently, he wondered if the other party or anybody else, for that matter, noticed his change in behavior ever since the incident in the make-up room. He sure hoped not. 

- Now, if only Shinya would get out of the way...-

Die flicked off a strand of red hair from his eyes as he watched Shinya fawn over Kaoru. 

" What is it with Kaoru...?" Die mumbled out loud.

" ...that Shinya and Toshiya finds so captivating?" Kyo voiced with a cigarette hanging out from the corner of his mouth.

" Shinya...and Toshiya?" Die quirked up an eyebrow.

The shorter man merely nodded and pointed to Toshiya, who was fuming with anger at the sight of Shinya clutching to Kaoru.

" Damn that Kaoru! He gets all the cute ones!" 

A big sweat drop rolled down Kyo's forehead.

-Why...WHY do I have this type of bandmates?-
***
" Wanna go out for a drink, Shinya-chan?" Die asked, a smile plastered on his face.

" Don't feel like it. Why not you go with Kyo?" Shinya looked up from his dismantled drum set and flashed an apologetic smile at Die. Die felt as if he would melt with unrequited desire. However all the hopes he has in him diminished a little when he saw Shinya leave his place and trailing Kaoru to the rest area. But what could he do?

" Shin-Shinya..." 

Timidly, Shinya stepped into the room after Kaoru, who was filling his cup with water. He sensed a lump rising in his throat as he contemplated on the ways of approaching him. 

" Shinya, want a drink?" Kaoru offered but Shinya quietly shook his head. Shinya watched as Kaoru took a seat. He would not allow his courage to fail him now.

" Kaoru-san...I like you a lot."

It took a while before the message seeped into Kaoru's brain, leaving him momentarily paralyzed. Shinya stood in front of him, his teeth gnawing on his bottom lip in anxiety. Only the soft slosh of dripping water from the faucet was discernible amidst the soft hushed breath of the two men.

" What?" Kaoru was not convinced that he heard correctly.

" I like you, Kaoru. Ever since...I joined the band." The last part of the sentence was whispered out.

Again, silence nudged its way into the room. Sensing no response from Kaoru, Shinya stepped nearer Kaoru, his lips inching closer to the other man's. Kaoru flinched slightly as the contact was made. It was gentle. Shinya's lips parted in invitation, prodding the guitarist to deepen the kiss. 

***
" Where's Kaoru?" 

Practice was unofficially over as Yoshiki had already left. Toshiya's fingers felt sore from all the bass.

" Hmm? Probably taking a drink," Kyo answered, his eyes not leaving the magazine that rested on his lap.

With his bass poking into his ribs, Toshiya made his way to the rest area. His mind was a tangle of confused thoughts but for now, he just felt like talking to Kaoru, and maybe continue their earlier conversation that was rudely interrupted by their drummer. 

What he saw when he came to the door was certainly not what he anticipated. He managed to choke back a strangled sob before it could blow his cover. He peeked through the slight opening of the door. He would have stayed longer to watch but he doubted his heart could take it if Kaoru started kissing Shinya back. It was not what he wanted to witness. No. The few seconds he remained there seemed to stretch on in slow motion. The reality of the whole matter appeared to hit him and he ran, not caring if Kaoru or Shinya heard the pounding of his foot against the carpeted ground. 

-They probably won't  care anyway.-

Kyo and Die both looked up as he dashed past them. Through the corridors he ran, the chill wind greeting him as he exited the studio building. People shot him curious stares as he passed but he didn't stop until he reached the bridge. There was where he allowed the tears to roll down his cheeks freely to fall on the cool metal railing. 

The city seemed so beautiful through his glazed view. The lights were reflected gently on the soft waves of the sea, slightly disorientated by the waves and moisture in his eyes. His powdered cheeks was streaked with the dampness of his tears. Shouting didn't seem like a bad idea now but it would certainly be embarrassing for him if anyone were to pass by.

-You're so stupid, Toshiya. You thought you had a chance. Shinya's way ahead of you.-

-Kaoru, how could you? Can't you see I am in love with you? Maybe you do...and maybe you chose Shinya over me?-

Reluctant to face the question, he slid down against the railing onto the pavement. Everything felt so cold and so lifeless. He always hated winter. He brought his knees up against his chest, in futile attempt to keep warm. The tears have stopped, yes, but he wondered how long would it take for his heart to stop bleeding.

***
Knowing what he was about to say soon, Kaoru awkwardly detached his lips from Shinya's.

" I'm very sorry but I...I don't feel that way for you." Kaoru took a cautious step back.

Shinya merely sighed. Had he not expected these words, he was sure tears would find their way into his eyes and he would regretted that he ever decided to tell Kaoru his hidden feelings. But regret was not what he was experiencing now although his heart twisted painfully inside as if a knife has just punctured it.

" Is it somebody else?" his voice wavered slightly.

Not wanting to hurt his friend any deeper, Kaoru avoided meeting his eyes but nodded. 

" Toshiya?" 

Kaoru did not answer but the smile on his face was recognition enough.

***

to part 4

back to fanfics page