Train Train
By Sakurai Mikiko

***

Kaoru shivered as he hugged his knees to his chest, he was freezing despite the fact he was wrapped in his coat…it was a warm blanket he needed. He rocked backwards matching the motion of the fast train as the cold penetrated deeper into him, despite the fact he had taken his blanket, Kaoru could never ever hate him only love him. He bit his lips holding back his sobs…

How? When I make all the wrong decisions! No one else would do this stupid thing!

All I wanted was to please him…I failed. I was just being a coward…too scared to ask him so I tried to do it this way…

*

Toshiya smiled softly as he snuggled up in all his warm blankets… Ahhhh…it seems almost too hot! He giggled to himself and then began to frown, why am I so hot? He quickly sat up…hitting his head on the low roof of the train, "Itai!" he rubbed his head and then clutched the blankets as they fell to his waist. Looking down…he could see two sets of blankets covering him…one purple and one blue.

Kaoru jerked his head up hearing Toshiya call out in pain; No…he wouldn't want your help… Kaoru coughed feeling the ache in his throat worsen…

Toshiya frowned as he tried to remember what he was doing with two sets of blankets…oh yeh…I stole Kaoru's coz I was mad at him… Toshiya began to remember…

Out of the blue, Kaoru told them they were taking a train to Hyougo…they arrived at the station too early! When the train finally arrived…Kaoru had only booked 3 berths! They had to run like mad to the other train…Toshiya had gotten all hot and tired…Kaoru had never even apologised for causing all the problems!

His blankets slid down, revealing his slim body, Toshiya bit his lip as he felt the bitterly cold surround him, maybe I was a bit harsh…to him…he must be freezing! Toshiya felt guilt bite his heart; heck, even now it seemed a bit of a stupid thing to get mad about! He wrung his hands, I got mad at him for making me sweat…and now I am making myself sweat! He thought as he wiped the sweat from his forehead.

I'll return it to him…soon…

He lay down…thinking how he could return it for some reason he felt shy to give it back to him and began to blush, he didn't know why! It wasn't as though he liked Kaoru-san…ano…he liked the handsome guitarist as a friend. The gentle motion of the train was rocking him softly. Slowly almost sexily, he shut his eyes as the train sung a soft lullaby to him, lulling him deep into the soft waves of sleep…

Gomen Kaoru-san…I will give you your blanket later…

*

Kaoru couldn't move, if he did the cold would attack him from a new place, so he was stuck in this icy position, and he couldn't stop rocking too. He had to move; he could feel his feet going numb as the cold delved deeper into his bones. Kaoru could think of no other way to describe it, but it felt like the cold was sinking through every inch of his flesh reaching his bones making his bones ache so terribly.

I'm nothing but a pile of scum…

Stupid…stupid stupid…me

Fucking loser…fucking freak…falling in love with your fucking friends…

I hate you…yes you…

ME.

He coughed, a dry raspy cough knowing that the cold he had been getting was now hitting him faster than he had thought possible. Kaoru knew why, the cold of the train would do nothing but make his sore throat a million times worse! It was agony to swallow…taking a deep breath he pulled his hands out from under his shirt, they were even paler then usual and when he flexed them, looking at them wide eyed he felt nothing. It was as if they weren't even there! Kaoru blinked… Shit! He couldn't even feel the cold chill on his hands!

In the cold, he couldn't control his emotions, and a strange sob left his chest rising up in him, reaching its height in his mouth, it was a half strangled sob, "Totchi!" he gasped feeling as if a fist of ice was gripping his heart in his hand…squeezing tighter and tighter. He gasped, and then his eyes shut as he fell side long onto the berth, hitting the icy bed as tears began to fill in his beautifully sad eyes. He blinked his lashes a few times and then finally the murkiness surrounded his drowsy heavy limbs…

Toshiya…Toshiya…please forgive me…

I only wanted to share a berth with you, that's why I only booked three berths…

I think I am in love…can't you give me a chance?

*

Toshiya woke with a start… he had forgotten to give the blankets…but he had no energy now, so he just lay thinking to himself.

If Kaoru were a sweet person, he would have apologised to me…and everyone else…

If it was Die Toshiya sighed, a dreamy expression crossing his face, Die…now he is such a sweetie! If he booked three berths, it would be because he was too shy to ask one of us (Shinya) out…and wanted to share a berth with that person!

Toshiya licked his lips, imagining a dreamy beautiful guy for him, his own version of Die…well the Die for him! If there was a guy like Die for Shinya…why not for Toshiya too?

If only… Kaoru was like that…never mind – don't go there! Don't imagine Kaoru doing things like that concentrate on more important things…time to return his blanket…

Toshiya took a deep breath, to control and stop his mind making up that fantasy where Kaoru was in love with him…it hurt him so much when he imagined that…it was better to imagine Kaoru hated him…which he did!

*

Toshiya climbed down from his berth, making sure he didn't make a sound; he had Kyo sleeping below him! He tiptoed across to opposite Kyo's berth…to where Kaoru was sleeping. On the way he couldn't help gazing up at Die and Shinya's berth…sighing, Shinya is so lucky! However, they deserve each other!

Slowly and with tenderness he slid back the curtain in front of Kaoru's berth, Toshiya gasped seeing the shivering white Kaoru…his eyes were half open in a really freaky way…somehow he looked beautiful…his eyelashes dusted in little droplets of moisture. Was that tears, surrounding his eyes, making tracks down his cheeks?

Toshiya stood frozen, tears began to fill his eyes, I did this…I did this…I am so selfish! I made him freeze and for stupid selfish reasons…why didn't he steal it back from me? Toshiya left his question hanging in the air cause he knew the answer…it came back in his head with a biting remark, you know why…no not, because he's proud…but because he will suffer for Dir en grey! He is punishing himself for earlier!

Instantly Toshiya opened the curtain wider and crouching down he climbed into Kaoru's berth, he flinched when his leg brushed Kaoru's flesh he felt so cold! Toshiya crawled up, covering him in all the blankets…but still he shivered! Toshiya leaned up against him, "Kaoru…please you have to wake up!" he softly whispered into his ear.

"Kaoru…I'm sorry…please don't hate me for my selfish actions!" He pleaded his voice all worried, and his face looked so full of anguish.

Toshiya leaned in closer, his body unconsciously wrapping to Kaoru's as his fingers fell to Kaoru's shoulder stroking it softly…

This must be a dream…Toshiya would never do this to me…

If only it was real when I open my eyes, he will be gone

Toshiya persisted in trying to wake Kaoru up, and trying to warm the sexy guitarist. Eventually he slipped under the blankets, he was cold too, and lay snuggled up to Kaoru…hours seemed to pass but in reality, it was very little time.

"Toshiya?"

Kaoru warily opened his eyes, staring at the beautiful face in front of his eyes, he reached out touching the cheek, yes it was really there! Kaoru blinked a few times as Toshiya opened his eyes and smiled…

"Finally! You are awake!" Toshiya happily spoke, hugging Kaoru to him…Kaoru coughed, surprised at the contact, "Poor baby…" Kaoru turned red, "Your still cold!" Toshiya stroked his reddish pinkish locks with his fingertips, pressing his body up against Kaoru's.

Kaoru gulped, feeling Toshiya so close, oh my… he trembled, why does he have to torture me so?

Toshiya's hand slid down Kaoru's chest, "Mmm…your so sexy…" he unconsciously murmured unaware he had spoken aloud! Toshiya turned crimson…as he realised…Kaoru had heard him! He smiled to cover his blush, hoping it wasn't visible in the gloom!

Kaoru felt himself being turned on by Toshiya's closeness and he wanted to take the sexy bassist in his arms…and do more than they were now! He grinned as hentai thoughts began to fill him…

Kaoru…do you mind if I kiss you? You look so beautiful…those eyes…cheekbones…

How can I not be attracted to your beauty…your so different to Die…

I think I found someone…

"Kaoru-san…you know…there is one way to warm us both…" Toshiya trailed off, making his voice husky as he sexily gazed at Kaoru…slowly and gently he licked his lips in a sensuous way. Kaoru maliciously smiled, "Hai…why don't you show me what you mean? I am not sure I understand!" it was clear by his tone he did understand but it was better this way! Toshiya giggled covering his mouth with his hand…

Toshiya pulled the curtain tightly shut and then pulled the blankets down. He sat astride Kaoru and with a sexy pout he ripped his shirt off and then lowered himself to Kaoru's chest…unbuttoning the buttons with his lips…and then slipping his tongue in between the buttonholes. Kaoru smiled and moaned appreciatively as Toshiya continued with his actions. Before long Kaoru lay almost naked, shivering under Toshiya's hands…his sexy smooth body exposed to Toshiya's hentai self.

Toshiya parted his lips and slowly breathed his ticklish breath down Kaoru's chest…alternating it with quick nips or licks of his tongue. His hands massaged Kaoru's back…feeling the silky smooth skin. Kaoru was supple and eager in his hands as he reached Kaoru's flat stomach and his jutting hipbones. He lifted his head looking up at Kaoru, "Sexy…you want me to…" he spoke so lightly Kaoru could hardly hear him, as his fingers skirted dangerously low, making their way south…

Kaoru gasped feeling the fingers descend there…they slid under his boxers easily…cupping his desire in Toshiya's hand. Toshiya appreciatively sighed, rubbing his fingertips against Kaoru's sexy form. Kaoru with the help of the train rocked against Toshiya's hand. With a great deal of effort, Kaoru moved away from Toshiya's hand, he pulled Toshiya down to him.

"You have been doing all this stuff to me…its not fair…its your turn!" he grinned kissing Toshiya's pouting lips. He kissed them so lightly, Toshiya craved more, and slipped his lips against Kaoru's, "Uhuh…no Totchi! Behave yourself!" Kaoru spoke teasingly as he reversed their positions so Toshiya was beneath him.

Toshiya tried to sit up to kiss Kaoru…but Kaoru pushed him back down…diving for his nipples…he licked it softly, again, Toshiya wanted more! Toshiya moaned lifting his chest to Kaoru's mouth, and again Kaoru pushed him away!

"Kaoru!" Toshiya whined…fakely crying…and holding out his arms waiting for a hug! Kaoru ignored him…pulling all the blankets away, leaving naked Toshiya completely bare, "Kaoru! Don't its cold!" Toshiya sniffed…

Kaoru menacingly smiled, "I know…this is what you put me through!" he wrapped the blankets around his own naked body, "Wow…its so warm, isn't it Toshiya? What's that? You want the fan on." He spoke sarcastically with a cold mocking tone. Cruelly Kaoru got up and turned the fan on full…directing towards Toshiya's naked body. Toshiya gasped, shivering as goosebumps covered him, he didn't say anything.

Kaoru went through this for me…I must to do it for him…

He shut his eyes rocking…he couldn't complain because Kaoru hadn't! He had been like that for barely a minute when the fan was turned off and Kaoru covered him in the blankets, he kissed Toshiya's face so many times rubbing his own warm body against Toshiya's to get the warmth back in Toshiya.

"Totchi, I wasn't serious… I could never to that to you! Forgive this bad leader for everything?" He asked looking so guilty and solemn, Toshiya could not refuse him!

Toshiya smiled up at Kaoru pulling his face nearer as he stroked the beautiful man's cheeks, "Hai…" he trailed off too ashamed to ask for what he wanted which was naturally for Kaoru to…take him…and… Toshiya blushed trying to think of a way to say that to his gorgeous leader! His lips parted, and he panted as he slid closer rubbing against Kaoru…he nuzzled up to Kaoru's neck, "Mmmm…Kaoru…why are you so sexy?" he softly murmured stroking his neck, "I want you…" his voice was thick with desire.

Kaoru grinned hugging Toshiya to his chest, "I want you…" he laughed as he stroked a tiny hand down Toshiya's length, gripping it tightly in his hand as Toshiya bucked against him groaning gutturally, "Oh god…Kaoru…" his voice was tinged with pleasure as Kaoru began to move his hand. Toshiya's body moved matching the rhythm set by Kaoru; he kissed Toshiya's shoulders and nipples. Toshiya felt the flood of emotions fill his pores washing through cold and hot spells of utter desire and pleasure. He had never wanted someone as bad as he wanted Kaoru…and Kaoru was doing not that much…he didn't need to.

Kaoru slid down careful that he continued his pleasure to Toshiya. Suddenly his tongue slipped out licking Toshiya's arousal as his hand massaged! The gentle lapping of his tongue was soft and oh so very turning on! His tongue reached the tip, caressing with a gentleness Toshiya had never thought possible!  Toshiya bucked his hips up to Kaoru's hand and mouth as the myriad of sensations and emotions flooded in him such a way he had never known! A sweat broke out on his body, as Kaoru nibbled, suckled and kissed Toshiya's core…pleased at the way Toshiya's moans were rising in pitch and timbre.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh…Kaoru!" he was almost delirious…that he did not even feel Kaoru part his legs…stroking between them. Kaoru slipped his mouth away, but kept his hand busy with Toshiya's arousal as he turned him over…stroking with his free hand between Toshiya's parted legs. He licked his fingers and slowly pushed them in, stroking and rubbing at the same motion as his other hand. His lips grazed Toshiya's back with biting kisses as he rubbed his fingers in deeper…reaching for that spot…

"Noooooooooooooooooo…take me…" Toshiya gasped…sounding feverish as he blinked his half opened eyes…the pleasure was in total control of him and spasms of heaven were caressing his psyche and soma. All he wanted was too feel pain and have the sexy sexy guitarist deep in him!

Kaoru kissed his back, "As you wish my master…" he seductively whispered, parting Toshiya's legs even further to give himself easier access. Before Kaoru could enter him…Toshiya turned around under him took Kaoru's throbbing member in his mouth…Kaoru gasped as Toshiya quickly sucked him…Toshiya pulled away before Kaoru had time to fully enjoy it. He was left stuttering, "Totchi? Why?"

Toshiya glared at him, "I don't want to be hurt that much!" then he turned over spreading his legs…Kaoru had to shut his eyes to control himself. Toshiya was enticing spread like that before him! Quickly he covered Toshiya with his own body and slowly as he liked to he entered Toshiya.

"Gomen Totchi!" he whispered as he began to move inside Toshiya…Toshiya tried to widen his legs allowing Kaoru to go deeper, he wanted to feel more of Kaoru…he wanted him _there_! Kaoru thrusted going deeper in to Toshiya…when he reached that place, Toshiya began to smile…as happiness and pleasure flooded his breast. He was lost in the heavens, it was just so beautiful…it hurt him too…but the pain was more deeply tinged with pleasure!

Toshiya felt so good surrounding him, the warmth washing over him was exhilarating giving him the energy he lacked earlier, especially since he was in Toshiya! Kaoru was inspired to speed his motions and he did, not caring that everyone could probably hear his and Toshiya's moans filling the air! His urgency rapidly increased and shutting his eyes he sped up his motions wrapping his arms around Toshiya's supple waist. He clung to Toshiya as suddenly the release he craved and needed came to his hot body. With a low gasp and a jerk of his body he came deeply into Toshiya. The pleasure flooded and filled him deeply, gently he smiled softly…feeling something he had never felt before in his breast, love.

Suddenly everything was more beautiful than it had ever been, Kaoru contentedly lay a top of Toshiya resting as he regained his breath. He began to cry, remembering the utter beauty of it…his salty tears falling softly like gentle rain onto Toshiya…

*

Kyo woke up fully refreshed and full of life on the train! He had a good long sleep…the rocking motion had helped him to sleep! Now he was full of energy, Eenie, meenie minie moe! Who shall I disturb? Kyo evilly thought whilst rubbing his hands together and grinning, hmmm…Toshiya…it's been a while since I disturbed him!

As silent as a mouse…well as silent as Kyo could be…he clamboured out of his berth and stood up stretching and groaning. Kyo just managed to reach up and pull Toshiya's curtain away, it slid open revealing…Kyo stood on tiptoe peering in, there was no one. Kyo blinked in surprise, he knew it was Toshiya's bunk…and he knew Toshiya would still be sleeping! Kyo puzzled over it for some time and then realised…Toshiya must be sleeping…somewhere else! An eager grin snaked onto his kawaii little face and he spun around eyeing suspiciously the bunks opposite his.

That's Die and Shinya's… he pointed up at the top bunk, and that's Kaoru's. Kyo sighed… where the hell is Totchi? Kyo felt depressed, he wasn't going to have any fun after all slum ping his shoulders he made his way back to his bed when he heard a soft noise from Kaoru's berth…it suspiciously sounded like Toshiya!

Quicker than a flash of light little Kyo-chan leapt around and pulled the curtain back…revealing to his surprise…Toshiya in Kaoru's arms! He looked closer…both were sweetly smiling, awww…so kawaii! He could see Kaoru's arms entwined around Toshiya's waist…and Toshiya didn't look to be wearing that much!

Hmmm…I really wonder what they were up to? He thought to himself with a perverted grin, time to wake them up!

"Ohaiyo Kaoru-san!" he bellowed right into Kaoru's ear, grinning as he climbed on them both. Kaoru groaned and opened an eye, "Eh?" he cutely yawned, tightening his hold on Toshiya, when Kyo began to tap his shoulder making him wake again.

"What!" Kaoru sounded angry. Toshiya woke and snuggled into Kaoru's embrace, "Mmmm…" he sleepily moaned smiling softly…

"Eh?" Kaoru whispered…wide-eyed looking at Kyo, "Toshiya?"

Toshiya sighed happily, "Ohaiyo Kaoru…"

"Oh my god…what did I do last night? And I wasn't even drunk!" He hit his head, ashamed with himself. He sheepishly looked across to Kyo who was grinning, "Yes…leader, what did you do? Shame on you!"

Kaoru shook Toshiya awake, slipping away from him, "Please forgive me Toshiya! I didn't mean to!"

If only … in reality I could have you…but I can't can I?

Toshiya opened one eye, "What do you mean Kaoru-kun? You mean you don't want me?" Toshiya sat up, pulling his blankets around himself, "That was just a one night stand?" His eyes began to fill with tears as he realised the implications of Kaoru's words.

Kyo leaned back to happily watch things were finally getting exciting!

Kaoru blushed, avoiding Toshiya's watery eyes, "Um…iie…" he trailed off, to shy to tell him how he felt.

"So you were just horny?" Toshiya's voice was filled with anger, but his expression was one of extreme sadness.

"No, I would never do that to you! Never!" he took a breath gazing at Toshiya, "It meant everything to me…it was the most special night to me…" he blushed even more…looking shy and oh so cute. *Mi-chan

dreams…*

"Then why are you saying you didn't mean it! Why?  It hurts me so much that you say that!" Toshiya pulled Kyo into the berth and hugging him began to cry!

"But I am the leader…so I am not supposed to do this…especially to you…"

"Why! Who made such stupid rules?" Toshiya's voice was muffled as he leaned on Kyo.

"I did." Toshiya gasped and looked up at Kaoru, "I did. So I would never make a move on you." He stopped and bitterly laughed looking out the window. Kyo began to get scared and tried to escape, "Oh no you don't!" Kaoru said grabbing him and holding him, "Let me finish." Toshiya blinked, biting his lip he was scared too!

"Why Kaoru? Just explain to Kyo and I." He gazed with wounded eyes across to Kaoru.

Kaoru lowered his eyes, "Because it is unrequited love. Maybe you'll hate me, but I can't help these feelings, I was so scared I would seduce you…and I must have."

Kyo blinked up at Kaoru, "unrequited love? Heh? Nande?" he asked all childlike and innocently. Toshiya glared at Kyo before he could ask Kaoru again, within his bottom lip wobbling Kyo shut up teary-eyed.

"Unrequited love?" Toshiya said, looking deeply into Kaoru's warm brown eyes, "Who said it's unrequited?"

"Me. Its obvious you hate me." Kaoru sighed, he looked out a window to hide his falling tears but Toshiya saw them.

Why do you make it so hard! Why?

Toshiya blinked, he's crying…does he mean…he loves me too? I have to tell him!

Kaoru shut his eyes, he no longer cared that they saw the pain in his face, he leaned on the window with his tears falling. Suddenly a pair of arms wrapped around him, surprised he opened his eyes, "I don't hate you Kaoru!" a little voice cried out…as Kyo clung to Kaoru! Kaoru clung back to Kyo, at least someone cares! He shut his eyes again and returned to the beautiful memories of the night before when a soft voice spoke, "Kaoru…it's not unrequited love, because I love you too. Unless you love someone else…" Toshiya trailed off taking Kaoru's face in his hands.

Kyo then decided perhaps it was a good time to leave…and so he pecked Kaoru on the cheek and then scampered off…deciding that maybe he shouldn't meddle so much!

"Toshiya are you just saying that to make me feel better?" Kaoru asked still unable to meet his eyes.

"No. Look at me!" Toshiya pulled Kaoru's face so they were eye to eye, "I really do love you." His voice was soft and full of love, he turned crimson as he spoke.

"I'm sorry. I booked 3 berths…because I wanted to be with you." Kaoru mumbled looking at Toshiya. He felt guilty until he felt himself being embraced and held by Toshiya.

"So can I be your lover?" Toshiya inquired wrapping his naked body up against Kaoru's.

"Hai."

Toshiya giggled pulling the curtain back, "We still have time…" he trailed of kissing Kaoru… Kaoru smiled happy…

***

*blush* gomennasai for the lamest most stupid lemon ever! *looks down ashamed…* eeks…I can't believe I wrote so much crap! The idea was certainly so much better in my mind then written! Bad comments…please send me…

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