Kaoru snatched the key from my hand, sliding the key into a lock, twisting the key, he turned the knob and opened the door that lead into my apartment.

"Get in."  Kaoru ordered me.  Yet, I did not move.  Why do I need to?  I heard him sighing again.  He pushed me inside, stepping in behind of me, shutting the door and locked it.

My body winced as I heard a 'click'.  I slided my shoes off, walking into a small livingroom of mine.  Kaoru followed.  I could not find the switch after felt around for it for couple of minutes... I gave up... I was not myself tonight.

I immediately retreated to a corner of the livingroom, burying my head between my knees as I made myself into a small ball.  I heard Kaoru sitting next to me, his hot breath tickling the side of my face as he continued to stare at me.

"Toshiya," my name escaped from his lips; yet, I did not say anything back, nor I did raised my head, "Toshiya..."  he called my name again.

I wanted to yell at him.  I wanted yell, 'what the fuck do you want from me now?  I am no longer clean, damn you!  Go and fuck someone else if you want to!'  Yet, I could not dare to say those words... they choked in my own throat.

A hand touched my chin, gently raising my face from my knees. Kaoru's eyes were no longer angry as he stared into mine.  I could make out his shape faintly by the street light coming from the outside.

"Toshiya..."  He murmured my name again.

"... go away."  I said.  His hand was holding my chin securely as I tried to duck my head between my knees again, forcing me to face his face.

"Toshiya..."

I could sense a pain in his voice.  What...?  Now you are pitying me now?  I do not need pity from others!

"Go and fuck someone else!"  I yelled, and a slap followed.  I never knew why I did that.  I did not know that I actually hit Kaoru on the face.

Kaoru did not say anything, nor he slapped me back.  He did not even bother to check his cheek; he kept staring at me, instead, "... I'd rather not..."  He spoke gently, "I'd rather make love to you..."

My hand rose again in the air to slap him, but, his free hand wrapped around my wrist before I could strike him.

"Let go..."  My voice was as cold as an ice.  Kaoru dropped his hands on the side.  I wanted to apologize for slapping him; yet nothing close to apology came out from my throat, "now get out from here."

Kaoru did not, of course, just obeyed to my temporarily insane words.  Arms were wrapped around me, pulling me close to Kaoru as he hugged me tightly, "... Toshiya..."

I did not push him away, even when a voice was kept telling me to inside of my head.  Tears were falling down on my face, soaking his T-shirt as I buried my face on his shoulders.  Kaoru, you were in pain too?

Why should you be in pain for something that happend to me?

'Because he loves you so much, idiot!' Another voice spoke inside of my head.

'What do you know about love?  You're filthy... you slut!' The voice that kept telling me to push Kaoru away spoke this time.

'You're the one who doesn't know about love!  Do you think he's just faking it?  Look at him closely!' the second voice said, which seemed to quieted down the first voice somehow.

Kaoru's breath tickled my ears as he hugged me close to him. For the first time in my life, I felt good to be in someone else's arms.  I felt so safe in Kaoru's arms.

"Toshiya..."  Kaoru's lips brushed against my cheek.  I moaned when his lips covered my own.

The kiss was sweet.  I felt my own arms wrapping around his waist as he continued to kiss me.  Our kiss deepened as Kaoru's warm tongue probed into my mouth, teasing my own.

Tears finally stopped to flow when we were facing each other again.

"Kaoru?"

He gently stoked my cheek with back of his hand.  He smiled as I blushed a bit, hiding my face on his shoulder, "Toshiya," Kaoru whispered into my ear, "you're as pure and clean as white snow... so no matter what happened to you, I love you, and I'll continue to love you forever."

I could not hardly believed my ears.  He still loved me? Even after that... thing had happened to me.

"... Toshiya..." Kaoru whispered in my ears again, "will you... accept me...?  Will you accept my love?"

I nodded, as tears started to flow again.  I heard Kaoru to expel a sigh, "yokatta..."  I could almost see him grinning happily, "stop crying... brats like you don't cry!"

I almost laughed, no, I did laugh weakly, "fuck you..." I grinned and hugged him closer against me, "sorry for that slap... are you gonna be okay?"

A naughty look was on Kaoru's face as I stared at his reddened cheek, touching it gently with tips of my fingers, "you have to make up for it~! TO-SHI-YA~!"

"Anything... anything except watching Fushigi Yuugi... gomen ne."

And we kissed again in the dark livingroom, in the moonlight.

Side Story - Ocha
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