Meimi's mother died when she was young, and her father- an archeologist- left her with my family.  She and I were best friends, partners in crime.  I remember having a crush on her when we were about seven... a puppy love?  Purupuru was a nickname from Meimi- and she still called me by that name rather than referring me by my real name.

"You're so weird in these days, Purupuru," Meimi continued.  I was poking at the dish of curry; instead of eating it, "let me guess... hmmm... I don't think Kyo is giving you a hard time?"

Not giving me a hard time!  Look what he did to me this morning! "... not really..." I swallowed a lump in my throat.  I could not tell her that... Even if she was my best friend, I could not tell her that... I am in love with Kaoru.

"Hmmm... then... I think I got it," Meimi giggled.  She stood up, coming back with two cups of Ocha, "I think you're in love, PU-RU-PU-RU!"

I did not even bother to reply.  I kept poking at the curry with a spoon.  Whatever Meimi was expecting, this was not a reaction she was looking for.

"Did I get it right?" Meimi stared at me nervously, "awww, come on, say something!  Remember that time when you said I look funny 'coz I was in love, you should try to deny it or something!"

I raised my eyes from the curry, staring at her round, black eyes, "how's your boyfriend?"

Meimi giggled, blushing to tip of her nose, "heh heh heh~  Sasuke and I are fine~" she tapped her finger on a table, "but we're not talking about Sacchan and me!"

So much for trying to change the subject.  I slurped the tea. Meimi was waiting for me to say something; yet, I could not.  I could not tell how I feel to Kaoru; then how could I tell to Meimi?

"I got to go now!"  I stood up suddenly, ignoring Meimi's plea to stay and talk to her.  I slammed the door behind of me, feeling my eyes water as I stare at the moon floating in the sky.

Kaoru must be looking at the same moon....

Nah, maybe he was drinking alone....

Maybe he was watching a tv...

Whatever he was doing, Kaoru was not thinking about me.... I bet...

I decided to take a long walk home, not taking a bus like I was supposed to do.  Maybe that was the reason.... maybe that was the reason why something 'bad' happened to me.

I was walking past an old construction site.  Normally, I would not have taken this road, but today, I felt like something was urging me to take this road.

"Look what I have here."

I heard a voice.  A man, who was twice bigger than my size, way much taller then me, was standing in front of me, "what do you want?" I tried to control my voice from shaking in fear.

The man snickered, taking a step toward me.  I backoned, thinking I did make a great mistake.  I screwed up a big time!  I should not have taken this road!

I started to run.  Tears trickled down on my cheek.  No, this should not be happening to me!  The man was faster than me.  He threw himself on my back, bring me down on the dirty ground.  I kicked and screamed.

"Shhh- I was just trying to have fun, not trying to hurt you!"  The man smelled filthy.  He sounded drunk.  I tried to kick him off from me. The man flipped my body over, still pinning me down on the ground. Suddenly I felt a blow on my cheek, which stunned me greately.  Nobody had ever slapped me in my entire life, "shut up!"  My cheek started to sting, tears streamed down on my face as the man tied my hands and feet together.  I heard the man unzipping his pants.  I tried to scream again.

"Shut up or I'll have to hurt you!"  The man ripped my clothes away from me, gagging my mouth with a piece of leather from part of my pants. I wanted to die... I really wanted to.  He pushed open my legs with a rough hand.

I closed my eyes, crying in shame when the man's shaft penatrated into me.  I wanted Kaoru to be the one who was going to do this honor for me; but this was not Kaoru, this was some kind of fucking drunkard who was taking my virginity away from me!  He kept pushing and pushing until I felt that I would break into pieces.  I tried to pull away when the man slapped me again.

"Don't you dare try to pull away from me!"  He attacked me violently. My muffled cry must have excited him somehow, for he was pumping on and on faster than he did before.  Yet I have no choice but to let him do what he would.

It seemed like an eternity, until finally I felt him thrusting into me hard, and he rolled a little away from me.

"That was... good..." the man snored, falling into deep slumber.  I gathered what was left of my clothes and wrapped myself in shreds.  My body ached when I stood up.  I bit my lips hard from screaming as I slowly walked away from the man.

I was contaminated... I was no longer worthy of Kaoru.  I did not want to live.  I've got no desire to live in my body.  I could not be the special person for Kaoru...

I did not know where my legs were taking me.  At last, I've reached a small apartment.  My right hand tightened into a ball, pounding on a door, as I stood there, shivering in the shreds of what was left of my clothes.

"Who is it?"

It was Kaoru's voice!  Why was I here?  Did I really want to see Kaoru this much when I was in this state?

I tried to run away, but my legs refused to listen.  I was too late to run away anyway, the door creaked open and Kaoru's face was staring into my own.

"Toshiya!  What happened!"

Darkness spread all around me as my legs gave away.  Before I could hit the ground, Kaoru's strong arms caught me.

"Toshiya, speak to me!  Toshiya!"